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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27872745">No Better Gift</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mobi_On_A_Mission/pseuds/Mobi_On_A_Mission'>Mobi_On_A_Mission</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christmas Fluff, F/M, Falling Asleep on Each Other, Feelings Call Out, Fluff, Found Family, Kid Fic, Parent John Murphy (The 100), Reunions, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, basically a hallmark movie except i haven't watched one recently, seriously so much fluff guys you don't understand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:02:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27872745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mobi_On_A_Mission/pseuds/Mobi_On_A_Mission</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Emori doesn't have anywhere to go for Christmas, Raven invites her to come along to spend the long weekend with her friends-who-are-more-like-family. Little does she know that John will be there with his four-year-old daughter. Emori and John have a complicated past, but a little holiday magic might be just what they need to find their way back to each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Emori/John Murphy (The 100)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>t100fic4blm Donation Celebration</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No Better Gift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I know I just posted two days ago, but here I am again! I swear I'm busy right now with school lol. This one is for our donation celebration with The 100 Fic for BLM Initiative because we hit our goal of raising $2500 by the series finale! Now we've actually raised over $4000 and that's all due to readers like you. Thank you ❤️ If you want to learn more and maybe send in a prompt, please check out our <a href="https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/">carrd</a>.</p><p>Thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&amp;work_search%5Bquery%5D=sparklyfairymira">Miranda (sparklyfairymira)</a> for making the moodboard (pictured below) and <a href="https://youtu.be/hszdlpbfsUI">fic trailer</a>!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Everything is prettier in December. Even here in the diner it’s festive: rainbow string lights draped across the ceiling and paper snowflakes taped haphazardly around the room. It’s a shame Emori can’t enjoy any of it. Losing herself in the decoration, all she can do is miss what she doesn’t have.</p><p>“Emori?” When she doesn’t respond, Raven taps her on the arm. “Emori?”</p><p>She shakes her head to pull herself back to reality. Right. This is supposed to be happy hour. “What’s up, Raven?”</p><p>“You wanna move to the bar?”</p><p>Emori looks over the table. Once filled with their colleagues from Polis Consultants, it is now empty except the two of them. Most of the guys from work are married and some of them have kids, and all of them have somewhere else to be on this Friday night. But not Emori and apparently not Raven either. Honestly, she’s relieved she’s not the only one. Being new to the city she doesn’t have many friends, and her coworker Raven is probably the closest one she does have.</p><p>“Yeah. I could use another drink.”</p><p>Raven cracks a half smile and Emori makes sure to pick up what’s left of her margarita before following her to the bar.</p><p>“So,” Raven starts. “What are you gonna do over the holidays?”</p><p>Emori shrugs, not really wanting to think about it. “I don’t have plans.” In the past she’s bopped around to different friends’ families, having a fine enough time with each of them but never really feeling at home. After grad school, everything is different. Her old friends are far away and she’s not close enough to anyone new to insert herself into their family. This year, it’s best if she just stays home.</p><p>Raven regards her for a second. “I take it you don’t come from a close family.” She downs her drink.</p><p>Emori huffs. “You could say that.” As much as she and Raven talk, they never really talk about their families, some sort of unspoken agreement that apparently doesn’t exist anymore.</p><p>“Yeah, me too. All the family I really had was my mom, but she overdosed.” Raven shrugs. “So I’ve been there.”</p><p>That piques Emori’s interest. “So you’re not there anymore?”</p><p>“Nope.” Raven pops the P. “Back in undergrad, I was working nights at Pick ‘n Save for rent money. That’s where I met my family. I haven’t known ‘em all my life, but they’re home. That’s who I spend holidays with.”</p><p>“That sounds nice,” Emori muses, failing to suppress her sigh. “I never found anybody like that.” She never realized how much she wants something like that, but she really does.</p><p>“Sorry, Em. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Emori lies. “Someday I’ll have a family too. It’s just a matter of time.”</p><p>“Of course you will! Anyone would be lucky to have you.” Raven pats Emori’s arm. “Now let’s get another round.”</p><p>They hail the bartender over and he pours them each a refill. They chat and sip on their drinks, laughing and not thinking about the struggles of Christmastime. Raven keeps glancing at her phone and sending quick text messages, and after maybe ten minutes she looks at it and gets a big grin on her face.</p><p>“So. Emori,” she starts, the alcohol just starting to have an effect on her voice. “I know you said you’re okay with staying home alone for Christmas, but I couldn’t help but think it would be more fun if you came along with me to Echo’s house. She’d love to have you for the long weekend and everyone else says that’ll be great!”</p><p>Emori swallows hard. “You want me to come to your family Christmas? You’re sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”</p><p>“I’m sure.” Raven looks absolutely confident. “You’re just like us, family already! When we met, none of us really had much of a family to speak of. You’re gonna fit right in, don’t worry about it.”</p><p>Emori bites her lip. Maybe the margarita can help ease her tongue. “Okay, I’ll come. But don’t let me be a burden—I’ll pay my way and melt into the background and-”</p><p>“Nonsense.” Raven cuts her off. “You’re one of us now, okay? Our Secret Santa is all set already, so you can be in charge of stockings for the seven adults. Don’t go too crazy with it though, I know you.” She shoots her a pointed look.</p><p>No thinking, just doing. She’s too cautious, she knows this. Emori’s face heats up. “Okay.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Emori wiggles in Raven’s passenger side seat, trying to calm her nerves at barging into her family Christmas as they pull into an upper middle class subdivision out in the suburbs. It was a neatly put together suburb, streets without potholes and standalone houses sitting in neat rows, many of them lined with twinkling lights and adorned with decorated Christmas trees in the windows.</p><p>It’s only 7:30 in the evening, but in December that’s basically the middle of the night with how cold and dark it is. Even sitting in Raven’s car, Emori is bundled up in her cozy green peacoat. But the dark just makes the lights shine brighter against the dark sky and the few patches of snow left on the grass that didn’t quite melt after the last time it snowed.</p><p>They left straight after work but ended up stopping for dinner along the way. Being with just Raven is comfortable, but it’s finally starting to sink in that this trip will be a full three days of inserting herself into Raven’s family. It leaves Emori thrumming in nervous anticipation.</p><p>“You’re gonna be fine, Em,” Raven says, carefully navigating the streets. “Everyone is gonna love you.”</p><p>“You promise I’m not intruding?”</p><p>“I promise. Now stop worrying and start chilling out. I’ve seen you at work, you need the vacation time or you’re gonna burn out.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll shut up about it.” Emori forces a smile. “What’s the cheat sheet to everyone?”</p><p>“We’re going to Echo’s house. Well, she calls it her Aunt Nia’s house but Nia’s been dead for years. Anyway she’s a little severe but don’t let that scare you off.”</p><p>Emori laughs. “I think I can handle that.”</p><p>“Good. Then you better prepare yourself to handle the cuteness because Olivia is gonna be there. She’s my friend Murphy’s daughter and I don’t even really care that much about kids most of the time but she’s just amazing.”</p><p>Wait. <em>Olivia? Murphy’s daughter?</em> It can’t be… Emori clears her throat. “Murphy? That’s a last name, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Raven doesn’t seem to catch onto her hesitation. “His first name is John, but everyone calls him Murphy. I think you’ll like him, he’s a good guy even if he makes you wanna punch him in the gut sometimes.”</p><p>Her heart rate shoots up. She knows a John Murphy—or at least she knew one, years ago. They dated in high school, what feels like a million years ago now. Emori loved him. It was hard to tell at first, considering she was a stupid teenager who had never been in love before, but that’s what it was. Then she ruined it all when she went off to university and broke things off with him. She knew how it worked. If she didn’t break up with him then they’d drift apart and eventually break up anyway. At least that way it was clean. She loved him enough to let him live that last year of highschool just being a kid and not in a long distance relationship.</p><p>That wasn’t the last time she saw John, though. Several years later, when she’d just started grad school for mechanical engineering, she reached back out to John. They went out for drinks and caught up. He had a one-year-old daughter, a girlfriend, and a job working under a chef at a restaurant in town. It was a good evening, and part of her wished it could have been more. But she texted him again a couple times and he didn’t respond. Apparently he didn’t want to be friends, and she understood. It was gonna be hard to be just friends with him anyway.</p><p>“John- John Murphy?” She stammers, trying to wrap her head around it.</p><p>“Yeah. You know him?”</p><p>“You could say that.” Emori laughs nervously. “We dated in high school.”</p><p>“No shit? Small world!” Raven steals a glance over to her. “Are you gonna be okay?”</p><p>“I’ll be fine. It’ll be good to see him again.” It’s probably blatantly obvious Emori is trying to convince herself just as much as she is Raven.</p><p>“Good. ‘Cause we’re here.”</p><p>Emori looks out the window as Raven slows the car in front of a tan ranch style house. It’s not decorated, but it looks homey and warm. They pull into the driveway and Raven turns off the car. Emori sucks in a deep reassuring breath, unbuckles her seatbelt, and steps out into the chilled December air.</p><p>She’s just pulling her suitcase out of the trunk when a little girl runs out, dark blonde pigtails bobbing behind her and a huge smile on her face.</p><p>“Auntie Rey!” the girl squeals, looking straight past Emori. “You’re here!”</p><p>“Munchkin!” Raven mirrors her excitement. “Come ‘ere and give me a hug before you get all cold.”</p><p>Raven squats down and the girl runs into her arms for a tight hug. She stays there for a couple seconds before breaking it to look at Emori.</p><p>"Who are you? Are you Auntie Rey's friend?"</p><p>"That I am! My name is Emori, and you must be Olivia. Your Auntie says very nice things about you, I'll have you know."</p><p>The girl beams and grabs her free hand, leading her toward the house.</p><p>Emori glances back at Raven, who chuckles and slams the trunk before locking the car.</p><p>Olivia points to a woman standing in the doorframe. "That's Echo. She lives here."</p><p>Echo nods. “It’s nice to meet you. I’d offer my hand but it seems like you’ve got your hands full already.”</p><p>Emori nods right back, trying to be as polite as she can.</p><p>Olivia leads Emori through the door and into the house. "There’s Uncle Bellamy,” she says, pointing at a man with a beer in his hand and a mop of black hair on his head.</p><p>He gives Emori an awkward wave and his eyes go to Olivia’s feet. “Boots off on the mat.”</p><p>Olivia complies silently and Emori copies her, lining up their shoes in a neat row on the edge of the rug. Bellamy takes Emori’s suitcase from her and disappears down a short hallway and into what is presumably her guest room. Echo offers to hang her coat up for her in the hall closet.</p><p>"Aunt Harper and Uncle Monty are over there on the couch because the baby in Harper’s belly makes her sleepy."</p><p>Emori chuckles and waves to the couple in the living room, following Olivia around the corner to the kitchen.</p><p>"And this is Daddy!"</p><p>Emori almost squeaks when she sees him. He's filled out, cut his hair, and grown a bit of a beard, but it's undeniably him.</p><p>"Emori?" His voice scratches.</p><p>"Hi John.” She hopes he can’t hear the waver in her voice. “Long time no see."</p><p>"No shit. Umm, let me show you to your and Raven’s room."</p><p>The silence is heated as he leads her back by the front door and into the bedroom Bellamy disappeared inside. It's cozy and decorated with an outdated bedspread. Her and Raven’s suitcases are set neatly in the corner side by side. Emori sinks down onto the edge of the bed, her eyes focusing on a little heart-shaped ‘guest room’ sign leaning against the bedside lamp. She can't look John in the eye, can't explain why exactly she feels so weird about this.</p><p>"Emori-" He sighs and sits down next to her, hands twitching as if he's not sure what to do with them. "-I'm so happy to see you."</p><p>"Are you?" Her voice breaks as she fights back tears. She shakes her head. "I don't know why I'm so emotional right now. I'm happy to see you too. It's been too long."</p><p>"Yeah," he says, staring off into space along with her. "Yeah, it has."</p><p>Emori’s fingers twitch on the scratchy bedspread and after a few seconds she summons the courage to look at John, his shoulders tense and jaw tight.</p><p>“How’s Olivia’s mom?” Maybe it’s the wrong thing to say, but something in her just has to know.</p><p>John laughs darkly. “It didn’t work out with Roma. I broke up with her when Olivia was a year old. She moved out of our apartment and then she was just… gone. We haven’t seen her since. I left her and then she left our daughter.” He purses his lips. “Olivia doesn't have a mom anymore.”</p><p>"Sounds to me like she never had a mom in the first place." Emori shakes her head, thinking back to how much it hurt when she found out her own birth parents got rid of her because of her big hand. “I don’t know much about being a parent, but I know you don’t just leave your kid like that.”</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>They sit in silence for a moment, Emori’s thoughts scrambling around in her brain as she tries to figure out what to say.</p><p>"Are you okay, John?" She wants to put her hand on his shoulder, but she stops herself. They were close once, many years ago. But a lot has changed since then.</p><p>"For a long time I wasn't. But Roma is gone and I accept that. Olivia is a good kid, I got lucky with her.” John cracks a hopeful smile. “I'm okay, and I'm ready to be more than okay."</p><p>Maybe it's the dim lights playing tricks on her, but Emori could swear she sees his eyes flit down to her lips. She sucks in a breath and almost leans in before her senses come back to her. If she falls back in with John, she doesn't want it to be something fleeting. They have something that feels deeper than that and she doesn't want to rush it.</p><p>She raises her eyebrows and leans back a hair. "I hardly had time to meet everyone. Better get back out there before it looks like I'm hiding from them."</p><p>“Eh, once you get to know them you’ll have a reason to hide from them. That’s what I'm doing.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Emori quirks an eyebrow as she pushes herself up off the bed. “It wasn’t for the spectacular company?”</p><p>“Nah.” John pouts a lip. “You’re more badass than spectacular.”</p><p>“As if that’s an insult.” Emori huffs and starts back toward where everyone else is in the living room. She’s still thrumming, but it’s less nervous now and more excitement. It looks like things are gonna work out okay.</p><p>If anyone notices her cheery disposition when she settles into the couch next to Raven, they don’t let on. They’re friendly and conversational, mixing questions aimed toward her with their regular conversation. Even though they’ve known each other for years and she only just met them, she doesn’t feel out of place.</p><p>Soon John announces a five minute warning for Olivia to go to sleep, and she only pouts a little bit before going off to the bedroom. John follows a few minutes to read her a story and returns by himself, glasses on. Emori’s stomach turns when she sees him wearing them—not that it doesn’t make him look hot because <em>god, does it ever</em>—but he didn’t wear glasses the last time Emori knew him. It’s yet another thing that’s changed.</p><p>She relaxes into the gentle comfort of the home, absentmindedly playing with the tasseled edges of the throw pillow she’s leaning against and only tangentially aware of how warm she feels whenever John looks at her.</p><p>The yawns come more and more frequently, and they decide it’s time to go to bed. Emori goes with Raven and John, since their rooms are right across from each other and share a bathroom. Raven changes in the bedroom and Emori grabs her toiletries from her suitcase and leaves the door open as she brushes her teeth in the bathroom.</p><p>John walks in as she’s spitting into the sink, and he waves at her in the mirror. He’s in a grey shirt and red flannel pajama pants, looking very much the part of the sexy dad type. Emori pushes the thought away and smiles at him. He grabs his toothbrush and steps off next to her to brush as she ties her hair back and washes her face in the sink.</p><p>For a moment, Emori can almost imagine this is her normal life: getting ready for bed next to John in companionable silence. The idea doesn’t scare her as much as it should. With all the people she’s casually dated, she never had domestic fantasies with them. Her heart was never in it, not for any more than a few dates to feel each other out and ultimately decide she isn’t all that interested. Maybe the difference here is their history. They have history and he has a really cute kid and a really nice face and a-</p><p>“Good night, John.” She breaks off her own thoughts by getting out of there as soon as possible.</p><p>“Goo nigh!” he says, words garbled around his toothbrush.</p><p>She steals one last look at him in the mirror before slipping out of the bathroom and into her guestroom. This day came with unexpected surprises, but Emori can’t say she’s disappointed about how it’s turned out.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Emori blinks her eyes open the next morning. A soft sheen of light is coming in through the curtains, and she can hear Raven’s gentle snoring from beside her. She rolls over to tap her phone where it’s sitting on the nightstand. 7am, like clockwork. Even without the alarm she rarely sleeps in.</p><p>She peels herself out of bed and grabs some clothes to take her morning shower. With one last glance at Raven’s sleeping form, she slips out of the room and right into the bathroom. The partition to the toilet/shower area is closed and the shower running, so she starts in on brushing her teeth and combing her hair while waiting for the shower.</p><p>The shower shuts off and it’s less than a minute before the partition door opens. Emori doesn’t know what she was expecting, but she wasn’t prepared for this. In the mirror she catches a glimpse of a bright green towel, and she turns around to see it’s slung around John’s hips. Her eyes drag up his body, slower than they really should to play off as looking respectfully.</p><p>John looks, to put it bluntly, fine as hell. Emori has no idea how he can have such a nice body while both working full time and being a single dad, but somehow he manages. He’s toned and a little squishy, just enough to lick her tongue across as she cuddles into his chest. His hair is slicked back with water and there’s still some droplets on his face, bright eyes shining in the morning light. There’s a glint in his eye, and it turns into a smirk as recognition sets over his face. It sends heat right to her core.</p><p>“Good morning to you too,” he jokes.</p><p>Emori clears her throat, her stomach doing somersaults. “Good morning. Um. Are you done with the shower?”</p><p>“Yep. s’all yours, Mori.”</p><p>Maybe he doesn’t notice the nickname slip out, or maybe he doesn’t care. Either way she gives him a shy “thank you” and slips past him into the shower area.</p><p>“You’re cute when you’re nervous, you know that?” he asks, not looking back at her.</p><p>“I’m always cute.” She’s glad he can’t see her smile get even more nervous.</p><p>“Yeah,” he agrees easily, as she shuts the door behind her.</p><p>Once it’s closed, Emori drops her head as lightly as she can onto the door, so as to not make a sound. There’s something about John that turns her into a blushing teenager. She hasn’t felt this way in so long, hasn’t been nervous to see someone half naked let alone to even be in their presence.</p><p>Emori turns the shower on, a little colder than usual. She needs to clear her head.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Emori makes her way into the kitchen for breakfast. The kitchen table is long and clearly extended with an extra leaf for the gathering. Harper is sitting next to Olivia, Monty across from her and Echo beside him. John is at the head of the table, peering into a laptop with a mug of coffee by his side. Sadly he’s gotten dressed now, but Emori can’t complain about the lavender sweater he’s put on. He never would have worn something like that when they were teenagers, but it’s a good look for him. Harper and Monty are in the midst of a disagreement over what the real Christmas colours are when Emori rounds the corner.</p><p>“Good morning, Em!” Olivia calls from her place at the kitchen table.</p><p>“Good morning to you too!” Emori chuckles, loving how fast the four-year-old is warming up to her. “Well if we’re doing nicknames now, I’ve gotta have one for you!”</p><p>Olivia thinks for a moment, fingers of the hand she’s not using to hold her cereal spoon dragging on her chin. “Livvy,” she says with a nod. “That’s what Daddy calls me when he’s in a good mood.”</p><p>“Livvy it is, then.”</p><p>Olivia grins and goes back to her cereal.</p><p>“Coffee’s in the pot if you want some.” Monty smiles from behind his own mug.</p><p>“Oh I definitely do!” Emori grabs a mug from where they’re set out and pours herself a cup. She sits down at the table, not bothering with food since she doesn’t usually eat breakfast anyway.</p><p>“Did anyone tell you what we’re doing today?” John grins at her from across the table.</p><p>“No.” She pauses. “Should I be scared?”</p><p>“Probably,” Echo says dryly. “Something always goes wrong on Christmas decorating day.”</p><p>Harper hides her face behind her hands. “I was ovulating last year, okay? We weren’t purposefully trying to get out of putting the tree up.”</p><p>“Nap time is a thing for a reason,” Murphy shoots back. “Use it.”</p><p>“Are you trying to tell me that’s why we instated nap time? Not because <em>some people</em> get cranky when they don’t get their sleep?”</p><p>“Hey!” Olivia pouts. “I’m right here!”</p><p>“Besides,” Harper says, “I don’t see anyone else taking advantage of it.”</p><p>“Been there done that,” Echo says nonchalantly.</p><p>Emori looks between them, her stomach tightening up at the mental image of Echo and John having a quickie.</p><p>“Bellamy,” John murmurs with a nod, looking straight at her.</p><p>Emori relaxes into her chair, and she doesn’t miss the hint of a smile that crosses over his face as she does.</p><p>It isn’t much longer until Bellamy and Raven make their way to the kitchen. Olivia rocks in her seat, staring them down in anticipation as they eat their breakfast. Raven, of course, stares right back and eventually Olivia backs down.</p><p>The second the last dish is loaded in the dishwasher, Olivia squeals. “Christmas time!”</p><p>The rest of them laugh.</p><p>“Someone’s a little eager today, isn’t she?” Monty says, grinning.</p><p>Olivia just nods again and again.</p><p>“Let’s do it!” Raven calls. “Emori and I will put the tree itself up. I love you guys, but I’ve seen you try. It doesn’t go so great.”</p><p>John feigns shock. “I thought you said I was the best assistant you’ve ever had?”</p><p>“I was being ironic, Murphy. We’ll let you know when we’re ready for the ornaments.”</p><p>“I wanna do ornaments!” Olivia says, as if they’d even dream to do it without her.</p><p>“Of course, munchkin.” Raven smiles. “We’re saving the best part for you too: you get to put the star on top.”</p><p>Olivia giggles. “You let me do that last year too!”</p><p>“That’s just because you’re so cute they can’t help it,” John says. “They haven’t grown immune to your charms like I have.”</p><p>Everyone breaks off to go pull the decorations out of the basement. Emori and Raven grab the box of the artificial tree first thing and lug it back up. They sit down in the corner of the living room and sort out the different pieces. With a little bit of muscle, they’re able to slide the pieces into each other and stand it up tall.</p><p>As they start fluffing the tree, Olivia tells ‘Alexa’ to play Christmas music. Emori has to hide her chuckle when it takes a few times for the machine to react to her little kid voice, even with such a demanding tone.</p><p>Emori has never fluffed an artificial Christmas tree, and she quickly decides it is not a task she enjoys. Still, it’s a nice time to hang out with Raven and chat. There’s something about humming along to music in a carpeted living room wearing fuzzy socks and a sweater that’s just so cozy.</p><p>Around them, the house becomes more and more festive. By the fireplace, John is hanging up a stocking for each of them as Olivia reads off the names written on them.</p><p>“This one starts with H. That’s Harper!”</p><p>“Mmhmm,” John hums. “And what about this one?”</p><p>“M. That’s Monty!”</p><p>“Not quite. There’s someone else here whose name starts with M.”</p><p>“No there isn’t.”</p><p>“Mmhmm. Me. Murphy.”</p><p>Olivia’s eyebrows knit together. “No, you’re Daddy.”</p><p>Raven pulls Emori’s attention away from them with a knowing chuckle. “Oh we are <em>so</em> talking about this later.”</p><p>Emori brushes her off and goes back to intently fluffing the tree. She’s not used to being so embarrassed like this. Usually she’s cool, standoffish, even a little rude. But John turns all her hard edges to goo and having a friend like Raven might actually get her to open up about her feelings. That’s not something she usually does.</p><p>Emori’s attention is pulled back to Olivia when she hears her name.</p><p>“Oh no! There’s no stocking for Emori. How will Santa bring her presents?”</p><p>“You see this blank one here? He can use this one.”</p><p>Olivia shakes her head. “How will he know it’s for Emori if her name isn’t on it?”</p><p>“He’s a very smart man, you know. He’ll figure it out. But you’re right, we should help him. You see those gift tags in the bag over there? If you grab one of those and a marker we can let Santa know where to put Emori’s present.”</p><p>He looks right over to her and smiles. They share a chuckle as Olivia very seriously complies with his request.</p><p>Echo brings over some spools of white string lights to Emori and Raven.</p><p>“This is the part where someone usually gets kicked out of the family,” Raven jokes. “So be on your feet.”</p><p>Is it weird that Emori already sort of considers herself part of the family? It’s absolutely too soon, but even though she doesn’t know most of them she already feels so at home. Like this is the family she’s meant to have.</p><p>She and Raven trip over each other detangling the lights. Even on the spools they get stuck around each other and make it a pain in the ass to put them up. But as they wrap them around the tree, Emori on one side and Raven on the other passing the spool between them, she finds herself having a lot of fun.</p><p>They go through three spools, and the lights still run out at bout a foot and a half to the top.</p><p>“Is that-” Emori shuffles through the bins. “-is that the last one?”</p><p>Monty tsks at her. “Rookie mistake. You packed ‘em too densely on the bottom and ran out. Gotta redo it.”</p><p>Emori sighs. Of course it couldn’t be that easy. “Okay Rey, second time’s the charm.”</p><p>The second time is harder since they don’t have the benefit of the spools to keep the lights from tangling up in themselves, but eventually they make it work. They both stand back to admire their masterpiece.</p><p>“Hey Livvy!” Emori says, remembering her new nickname. “Wanna light up the tree for us?”</p><p>“Yes!” Olivia rushes over to the base of the tree as the whole family gathers around to watch.</p><p>“Three! Two! One! Go!”</p><p>The rainbow lights of the tree flicker to life, and they all cheer. Olivia’s face is bright and joyful, admiring the lights up close. Emori looks around and sees that same expression in the others.</p><p>Echo announces it’s lunchtime, and they all go to eat. It’s a quick lunch because they all know that afterward they get to put the ornaments on the tree.</p><p>They all work together on the ornaments. Most of them are old ones Echo probably got from her Aunt Nia, and the newer homemade ornaments stick out against them. There’s a photo ornament for every year they’ve been doing Christmas as a group, with a group photo of everyone by the tree or out in the snow. One year they all wore Santa hats. There’s also a painted christmas tree made from a baby footprint. <em>Olivia’s first Christmas</em>, it reads on the back. She insists on comparing the ornament to her current foot and laughs at how little she was when she was a baby.</p><p>With all eight of them working together, it isn’t long before the tree is full of ornaments.</p><p>“It’s almost perfect,” Harper says, “It’s just missing one thing.”</p><p>“The star!” Monty exclaims with child-like wonder.</p><p>“Yes, Monty, the star. Can you get it out of the bin? I know a certain someone who would love to put it up for us.”</p><p>“That’s our cue!” John says. He crouches down and Olivia gets onto his shoulders. He stands up and she laughs, their hands clutching onto each other so she doesn’t fall off. Monty grabs the star and hands it to Olivia, who excitedly brandishes it for all to see.</p><p>“I now pronounce it…” Harper waits for Olivia to put the star on the top of the tree. “... Christmas!”</p><p>“Wait!” Monty says. “There’s one more decoration.” He pulls a thing of mistletoe out. “We need to be stereotypical, guys. This is happening.”</p><p>He gets a couple groans, but no one honestly tries to stop him. They tack it up on the archway in between the kitchen and living room.</p><p>“Okay, now it’s Christmas!”</p><p>They cheer again and dance around the living room. Emori tries to ignore the flip in her stomach thinking of the mistletoe. She can’t help the image of kissing John that pops into her mind. It’s a nice thought, but it’s surrounded by years of hurt. One mistletoe-tinted kiss isn’t going to change all that.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>During their early dinner, John announces that he needs to run errands.</p><p>“And Emori,” he says nonchalantly, “you should come with. I’ll need someone to keep me from buying supplies for too many Christmas cookies.”</p><p>Bellamy raises an eyebrow. “If you’re looking for someone to keep you from buying fun stuff, you should bring Echo!”</p><p>Echo lightly smacks him in the stomach, and he shuts up.</p><p>Emori nods at John. “Yeah sure. Okay.”</p><p>John flashes her a grin and turns to Olivia by his side. “You think you can take care of everyone while we’re away?”</p><p>“Of course I can, Daddy.” She scoffs. “It’s kind of my job.”</p><p>“Attagirl.” He winks at her.</p><p>“You better get going,” Bellamy says. “There’s some snow coming in later tonight. You don’t wanna get caught in that.”</p><p>Emori and John finish their plates quickly and excuse themselves from the table to clean up and prepare to leave.</p><p>When their car doors thud shut and John keys the ignition to warm up the car, Emori turns to face him.</p><p>“Why did you ask me to come with you?”</p><p>His face doesn’t give anything away. “I’ve hardly seen you in years. We have a lot of catching up to do.”</p><p>“Oh.” Emori settles into her seat, but she can’t quite get comfortable. She can’t help but mull over the fact that he never called her back after they went out for drinks. It was years ago, but Emori never understood why. Why is he paying attention to her now? She’s probably making something out of nothing.</p><p>She pushes past it to make conversation. “So. What are we actually going out for?”</p><p>“I wasn’t lying when I said that I needed some ingredients for making cookies. I was in charge of buying them, but Olivia had the flu and this fell through the cracks. That, and they’re holding a box of Legos for me.”</p><p>Emori laughs. “I love Legos.”</p><p>“They’re for Livvy, not me. But sue me for getting something I can enjoy too. She’s an only child, I end up playing with her a lot.”</p><p>The store is busy with people rushing around and getting their last Christmas goodies. In the baking aisle, it’s almost all picked over, but thankfully they only need a bag of powdered sugar and a small assortment of sprinkles.</p><p>“What kind of cookies are we making?” Emori asks.</p><p>“Sugar cutout ones. It’s my-”</p><p>“-Your dad’s recipe. Yeah, I remember. Senior year of high school, you roped me into making them with you.” She laughs. “I ended up tearing half the cookies in half before we could get them on the baking sheet.”</p><p>John’s eyes twinkle. “To your credit, I was distracting you a lot.”</p><p>Emori’s cheeks heat up at the memory. “I’ll just have to prove myself this time.”</p><p>John hums, guiding her toward the checkout. On the way, they pass by a rack of holiday themed pajama pants. One of the styles is bright red with white <em>ho ho ho</em>s written all over it. Emori can’t help but giggle at the sight.</p><p>“What?” John looks at her funny.</p><p>She points. “Ho pants.” And bursts out laughing.</p><p>John joins her. “Oh you are <em>so</em> getting these, Mori. You’d rock it.”</p><p>“You calling me a ho?” Emori teases. Apparently this is what passes for flirting these days. She’s a little rusty.</p><p>“Sounds more to me like you’re saying that yourself.”</p><p>Emori eyes him up. “I’ll get them, but only if you do too.”</p><p>“Deal,” he says immediately. “Oh shit I hope they actually fit us both.”</p><p>“They come in different sizes, John.”</p><p>“As pants tend to do.”</p><p>Emori just shakes her head and goes for the rack, eyeing them up and picking out something that’ll fit. “See? A Christmas miracle.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>By the time they get back to Echo’s house, it’s time for John to put Olivia to sleep. She’s already in her pajamas and cuddled up on the couch with a cup of milk.</p><p>“Daddy!” She yells when they walk in through the front door.</p><p>“Hi baby. Looks like you guys got real comfy.”</p><p>“Mm hmm! We read so much today. Bellamy taught me all about Hesperides.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Good you’re learning something.”</p><p>“She’d be lost without him,” Echo says.</p><p>“Hey, take that back!” John pouts. “I’d find someone else to teach my kid stuff if it wasn’t him.”</p><p>“Of course you would.”</p><p>Emori chills on the couch with Harper talking about her latest project at work while John tucks Olivia into bed.</p><p>Olivia shrieks from the other room. “It’s snowing! Everyone look, it’s snowing!”</p><p>Of course, they all gather by the window and pull up the shade. From the light of the neighbors’ decorations they can see the snowflakes glimmering against the black sky. They’re coming down hard now, much more than the dusting they got earlier in the evening.</p><p>“Well this is definitely gonna stick,” Bellamy says. “I bet it’ll be packing snow.”</p><p>The thought of it takes Emori right back to childhood: making forts, waging war in snowball fights, and the other kids putting globs of freezing cold snow down her back when they played.</p><p>It’s been a long time since Emori really played in the snow, and it brings back fond memories.</p><p>Emori overhears John telling Olivia she can watch the snow for one more minute and then she has to go to sleep. Olivia wants to just run out and play in it now, but John says it’s too late at night and they have to wait until it’s light outside and it’s done snowing. Olivia doesn’t seem very happy about that decision, but she doesn’t fight it.</p><p>Everyone else goes to bed, but both Emori and John agree to stay up. He says he needs to get his gifts wrapped before Christmas, and Emori watches as he goes out to grab the presents from his car. The snow has really picked up, and it looks like he’s almost falling over from the wind, holding his hood down and curling into himself to brave it. Yeah, it’s a good idea not to let Olivia outside in the storm. Not as much fun as it looks.</p><p>Emori opens the door back up for him as he approaches and closes it tight behind him.</p><p>His cheeks and lips are stained red from the cold, snowflakes collected on his eyelashes and the lining of his coat. He rubs his boots on the rug to get the snow out before toeing them off and putting away his coat.</p><p>“You want a drink to warm up?” Emori asks.</p><p>John grins. “Yeah.”</p><p>She steals away to the kitchen to heat up some cider and spike it with spiced rum.</p><p>John puts a hand on her back when he comes up to her. “Mmm, my favorite.”</p><p>She flinches at first then melts into his touch. “I hoped.” She didn’t know if he liked it anymore, but they spent almost every weekend as teenagers together, oftentimes getting drunk. They had their fair share of shitty beer and flavored vodka, but the cider is one thing they never got crazy with. Those are some of her best memories of their relationship: cuddled up on the couch sharing stories and kisses and a pot of spiked cider. It didn’t matter that they didn’t have anyone else to spend their time with, not in those moments.</p><p>Emori is glad she’s not the only one who kept those fond memories even years after she broke up with him. John’s hand at her back feels heavy even though he’s not pressing down. She doesn’t know what it means: is it a friendly hand like he uses with the rest of them, or something different?</p><p>They stand in companionable silence until Emori is done with the stove. She pours them each a big mug of cider and follows John into the living room where he’s set down a suitcase of presents.</p><p>“Olivia thinks we bring an empty suitcase so that we have somewhere to put the presents on our way home.” He chuckles. “This is gonna be harder once she thinks to actually pick it up and realize it’s heavy, but she’s little still.”</p><p>“That’s so cute.” Emori loves the way he is with his daughter. “I guess you’ll have to figure something out to keep the secret.”</p><p>“I’d have everyone over to our apartment for Christmas, but pretty much everyone would have to sleep in the living room.”</p><p>They lean against the back of the couch, using it as a barrier between them and the guest hallway where Olivia could pop out of if she wanted to get up for a cup of water.</p><p>John grabs with a few rolls of wrapping paper, some tape and scissors and stuff. “I know I waited until the last minute, but it’s just easier here.”</p><p>“No worries, I’ll help.” Emori picks up the present on top. It’s a thick book, about an inch thick, called <em>The Secret Lives of Bats: My Adventures with the World's Most Misunderstood Mammals.</em></p><p>“Bats?”</p><p>“Livvy just loves them.” His eyes sparkle. “Ever since we got <em>Stellaluna</em> from the library. She has a kids book about them but it’s not the same. She’s always asking for more information I don’t know. This way we can read it together and if she’s still into them by the time she’s able to read on her own she’ll have that.”</p><p>“Mine was cats.” Emori laughs. “I get it.”</p><p>“Yeah.” John hands her some red and white striped wrapping paper. “That one’s from Santa, I don’t need to be publicly called a nerd with this one.”</p><p>“Smart move.”</p><p>Emori lays it out and gets to work, remembering exactly what to do even if she hasn’t wrapped a present in a long time.</p><p>John grabs a shimmery green paper and does the same thing except with the Lego set he got for Olivia. He bites his lip in concentration, clearly focused on not, as he says, ‘fucking it up and making himself look like an idiot in front of his daughter.’ Emori doesn’t think Olivia would care very much, but it’s adorable to see him trying so hard.</p><p>They also wrap a set of little dolls that look like the characters from Olivia’s favorite movie <em>Frozen</em> and a gigantic box of crayons.</p><p>Emori puts the wrapped gifts back in the suitcase and that into a closet while John deals with the wrapping paper and all that. Emori washes their empty cider mugs in the sink and they settle down on the couch, neither of them seeming ready to go to bed just yet.</p><p>“So,” John starts. “I haven’t heard much about what you’ve been up to since I saw you last.”</p><p>“Not much, I guess.” Emori sighs. “I went to grad school. Got a job, so that’s good to finally pay off my debt. The scholarships helped, but it wasn’t enough. My job pays well though and I’m setting money aside.”</p><p>John smiles. “That doesn’t sound like ‘not much’ to me.”</p><p>“It is. I mean it’s great and all, but I- I feel like something is missing.”</p><p>“You’re alone.” He says it simply, not like she’d fight him on it anyway.</p><p>Emori’s jaw trembles then tightens. “Yeah. I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be.” He’s looking down at his present when he says it, but she watches him, trying to get a sense of what he means out of the corner of his eye. Is it a platitude or something personal? Emori can’t be sure.</p><p>“Thanks.” She pauses. “It seems like you have something great going here. There’s so much love here.”</p><p>“John smiles, and then his face falls. “It took a long time to get here. For a long time, it was just me. But then Olivia and Roma and- if I didn’t have them I don’t know what I would’ve done. I was in a pretty dark place after she left.”</p><p>Emori can hear the regret in his voice. “It’s okay to miss her, you know. It’s okay to not be okay even though you were breaking up with her anyway.”</p><p>“Thanks.” He considers. “You know what finally made me break up with her?”</p><p>“You said things weren’t working out. You didn’t love her and she was selfish.”</p><p>“True.” He takes a sip of his cider. “But none of that was enough to make me leave. Not at first anyway.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll bite: what changed?”</p><p>“You called.”</p><p>The whole room stills. Emori stops wrapping and turns her body to him. She has to understand.</p><p>“-I called?”</p><p>John shrugs nervously. “We went out for drinks and just- sitting there with you, it was so clear why I could never make things work with Roma.”</p><p>“Why?” Emori waits with bated breath. Did she do something to fuck up their relationship? She doesn’t think she did anything untoward, but maybe she drank too much and led him to a decision he wasn’t ready for.</p><p>“With Roma, I never- I never felt about her the way I do about you.” He locks eyes with Emori. “Not at our best, not at a year in- it just wasn’t happening. I couldn’t stay with her knowing what I was missing out on.”</p><p>“Oh.” Emori breathes deeply, trying to focus on the in and out. She has no idea what to say.</p><p>“Oh.” John’s eyes shift down to her lips, so quickly she thinks she might be imagining it, then he leans back against the couch.</p><p>“So- are you glad you did it?” Emori takes a gulp of her cider.</p><p>“It was the best thing. It was for the best. Clearly she wasn’t the one for me.”</p><p>Okay, so she didn’t mess things up too bad. Emori takes a deep breath and finally asks what’s been weighing on her for ages. “Why did you never respond to my texts after that night? If you still had feelings for me?”</p><p>“<em>Have</em>,” he corrects, then quickly moves on. “Like I said, I was in a really dark place. I was in survival mode, just trying to get through the day. To get myself and Olivia fed and dressed and all that. Suddenly, everything was harder. I couldn’t complicate that with all my feelings for you. Somehow Roma broke my heart and it wasn’t even hers.”</p><p>Emori takes a big swig of her cider. “That must really hurt.”</p><p>“Like—how could she do that? I don’t understand. I still don’t understand. I could never leave Livvy, no matter what. So how could <em>she</em>? Leave her without a mom? Leave her with me, of all people?”</p><p>“Hey-” Emori interlaces their fingers. His skin is warm and a little clammy. “-I don’t know much about being a dad, but from what I can tell you are doing a fantastic job. I’m so proud of you, John.”</p><p>“That means a lot.” John pulls her in close and she snuggles into his side.</p><p>“Emori rests her head on his shoulder, letting her eyes droop shut. His henley is so soft, his skin so warm. The alcohol is just enough to make her sleepy without getting her much of a buzz.</p><p>John’s hand that isn’t intertwined with hers reaches around to pat her head. The pads of his fingers card through her hair and graze against her scalp. She moans lightly. If she were less tired, she’d be embarrassed about it, but this just feels right. She could fall asleep like this.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>As it turns out, she did, in fact, fall asleep like this. Emori wakes up to a crick in her neck. Before she even opens her eyes, she becomes aware of a warm body beside hers emanating a comforting warmth. She stirs and picks her head up to see John there. Right. They stayed up late and fell asleep on the couch.</p><p>John is adorable in his sleep. Emori doesn’t stare at him, but it’s clear to see even in the few seconds she gets. When she moves he gets this happy little smile on his face. It warms Emori’s heart to see. When they were kids, John usually wasn’t happy. He’d been through a lot, just like Emori. She wasn’t about to get on him about a bad attitude—everyone deals with the trauma and the nightmares in their own way. But now he’s <em>happy</em>. She wonders what he’s dreaming about; it must be something good.</p><p>Emori wonders what could have happened if she never left John in the first place. They fit just right together as teenagers, and maybe they could have grown together. But instead, she made him cry. As much as she loved him, she pulled away. The image of him grabbing at my sweatshirt sleeve as she pulled away, life draining from his eyes—it still haunts her. She wants to fix things with him, but it’s messy.</p><p>John stirs awake from her moving and smiles down at her.</p><p>“Hi,” he says, voice husky with sleep.</p><p>“Hi. Um, we should probably get to bed.”</p><p>“Yeah.” John fishes his phone out of his pocket and checks the time. “Oh shit it’s late, Mori. You’re right.” He stands up and she feels a little cold without his body heat pressed against hers.</p><p>She follows after him and they get ready for bed in sleepy silence.</p><p>“Goodnight John,” she says as she peaks into her and Raven’s guest room.</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>Emori clicks the door shut as silently as she can and plugs her phone in before crawling into bed.</p><p>“Fancy seeing you here.” Raven’s voice comes out of nowhere.</p><p>Emori jolts, expecting Raven to be asleep.</p><p>“Sorry babe,” she laughs. “What are you doing up so late?” Emori can’t see her clearly, but she can just <em>hear</em> the waggle in her eyebrows.</p><p>“Oh stop!” Emori is glad Raven can’t see her so she can’t see the way she bites her lip with her nervous laughter. “John and I fell asleep on the couch. I guess I was more tired than I thought.”</p><p>“So you weren’t fucking?”</p><p>“Raven! He has a daughter!”</p><p>“I didn’t mean in their room, ew!” Raven slaps her arm. “When you stayed up so late, I just figured…”</p><p>“Well no.” Emori giggles nervously. “Nothing like that. I helped him wrap Christmas presents and we had a drink. Wholesome stuff.”</p><p>“What I had in mind is wholesome too.”</p><p>“Sure, Raven. Sure.” Emori lets out a big yawn and settles in to sleep.</p><p>“Okay fine, I’ll let you sleep.” Raven settles in beside her.</p><p>Emori falls asleep with a smile on her face.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Emori wakes up later than usual on Christmas Eve, but with how late she and John stayed up she’s not really surprised. When she strides out of her room, it’s to hear Olivia’s voice in the next room.</p><p>“Pleeeease can I wake her up? It’s already late Daddy.”</p><p>“No you can’t, Olivia. It’s only 8:30, not exactly cause for concern.”</p><p>Olivia humphs and slouches down with her picture book. A floorboard creaks under Emori’s sock-clad feet and Olivia’s head shoots up.</p><p>“Emori! You’re finally awake!”</p><p>“<em>Finally</em>” Emori chides. “It’s practically bedtime now, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Good morning Mori,” John says from his place in the kitchen. He smiles at her comfortably, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Please excuse Olivia, she’s just very excited to make cookies and I told her you wanted to be part of it.”</p><p>“Thank you for waiting for me!” Emori exaggerates her care for the actual task at hand for Olivia’s sake. “I would’ve hated to miss out on this.”</p><p>“Daddy didn’t let me wake you up,” Olivia says, walking into the kitchen. “Are you gonna sleep in for Christmas too?”</p><p>“We have a rule for this,” Bellamy says, giving her the side eye from the kitchen table over his coffee. “What time are you allowed to wake us up for Christmas?”</p><p>“When the little hand gets to the nine 9,” she says with a sigh.</p><p>John wraps his arm around Emori’s waist and whispers into Emori’s ear, “We go through this every holiday.”</p><p>Her face splits in a grin and she giggles like a little schoolgirl. She can feel his breath on her skin and it tingles along with where his hand touches on her waist.</p><p>Emori pats him on the back and steps half a foot away, just enough to remind herself to keep her composure as if she has any of it left.</p><p>John wipes at his nose. “Hey, who all wants to make cookies?”</p><p>“Me!” Olivia excitedly raises her hand. “Don’t forget me!”</p><p>Emori chuckles. “Count me in.”</p><p>Echo and Bellamy exchange a glance, then everyone else declines.</p><p>“I volunteer to eat them!” Monty says, and Harper chides him for being cheesy. It’s a low bar but apparently it exists somewhere.</p><p>“Very well.” John goes for the pantry and emerges with three aprons.</p><p>“Emori gets to pick first because she’s new!” Olivia says, and John agrees. He presents the three aprons to her as if they were fine ball gowns. The first is clearly child sized: a Mickey Mouse printed red apron with black ruffles around the edges. The second is a blue floral pattern, and the last a vertical striped pattern in various pastels.</p><p>“I’ll take the striped one, thanks,” Emori says, and takes it from his hand.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, Olivia gets the small one and leaves John with the blue floral. He rocks the look really well. It would be surprising, except for the fact that he looks good in everything.</p><p>Emori realizes she needs to put her hair up for baking so it doesn’t get in the food. “Hey Livvy, let's go put our hair up so it doesn’t get in the cookies.”</p><p>Olivia shakes her head. “I don’t know how to do that. Daddy always does it for me.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I know just what to do.”</p><p>Olivia bounds off to the bathroom to wait and John mouths a <em>thank you</em>.</p><p>Emori does Olivia’s hair first. Olivia tries herself, but she gets frustrated quickly.</p><p>“Here, I can help you,” Emori says, grabbing the brush to detangle her hair.</p><p>Olivia eyes her in the mirror. “Why does your hand look like that?” she asks curiously.</p><p>“Oh, this?” Emori is unfazed, far beyond her insecurities over her hand. “I was born with it this way. It doesn’t hurt or anything.”</p><p>“That’s good!” Olivia says with wide eyes. She frowns. “It must be sad though that you don’t have as much to paint when you do your nails.”</p><p>Emori chuckles. “I don’t do my nails that much anyway. But when I do, it goes twice as fast. So I have that going for me.”</p><p>Olivia nods as Emori is trying to put her hair up.</p><p>“Hold still, there…” Emori says, and Olivia complies.</p><p>Olivia waits for a beat. “Are you Daddy’s girlfriend now?”</p><p>Emori swallows. “Why do you ask?”</p><p>“Well, he’s always happy when you’re around. He’s always okay, he’s not sad all the time. But when you’re around he’s soooooooo-,” she stretches out the syllable, “-ooooo happy.”</p><p>“I’m happy when he’s around too.” Emori hums.</p><p>“I know. You smile a whole lot and Raven says you don’t do that at work.”</p><p>“Well that’s work. This is a holiday, of course it’s different.”</p><p>“No.” Olivia shakes her head, as if it’s the obvious thing in the world. “Auntie Rey says you don’t smile that much even when you’re <em>effed up</em>. And she says people who are effed up smile way more than normal.”</p><p>Always trust a four-year-old to give it to you straight. Emori’s stomach flips as she tips her head back to gather her hair in a ponytail. Once she gets the band in, she turns to Olivia. “How would you feel about your Daddy having a girlfriend?”</p><p>Olivia gasps and then shrieks. “You’re Daddy’s girlfriend?!”</p><p>“Did I say that?”</p><p>“... No.” She frowns.</p><p>“Right. How would you feel about your Daddy having a girlfriend?”</p><p>“He’d be so happy! I think Daddy wants you to be his girlfriend. Ohh will you give me presents? My friend Violet, her mommy has a boyfriend and he buys her toys.”</p><p>“That’s very mature of you. The part about wanting your dad to be happy at least. The toys, maybe not so much.”</p><p>Olivia giggles. “I wish I had a mommy. I know mine is gone and she’s not coming back, but I want a new one. Everyone else at my school has a mommy and they’re really nice.”</p><p>Emori hugs her. “I understand. Just know your Daddy loves you very much. Mommies are great but you already have an excellent Daddy… And I’m not you Daddy’s girlfriend.”</p><p>“Not yet, you mean.”</p><p>“We’ll see what happens, Livvy.” Emori pats her on the back and turns back to join John back in the kitchen.</p><p>“You’re back!” John smiles. “Okay now it’s time to wash all the germs off our hands so we don’t bake 'em into the cookies!”</p><p>Olivia runs back to the bathroom so she can use the stool there. Emori washes her hands in the kitchen sink, pours a cup of coffee for herself and sighs, looking out the window at the blanket of fresh snow on the ground and the flakes still blowing around in the wind.</p><p>She turns to John. “Livvy asked me if I’m your girlfriend.”</p><p>“She gets all sorts of ideas.” He scratches the back of his neck.</p><p>“I didn’t really know what to say to her except I’m not and I think you’re an excellent dad.”</p><p>“Eh, she’s been on her best behavior because she knows Santa’s coming tonight.”</p><p>“Maybe a little. But she’s also just a really good kid.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Emori can see the pride in his eyes. “Yeah, yeah she is.”</p><p>Olivia comes back, stool in hand. “We’re gonna need this for cookies!”</p><p>John buries his face in his hand. “You’re right. Sometimes I forget you’re four and not fourteen. Of course you need a stool to make cookies.”</p><p>Olivia giggles. “Silly Daddy!”</p><p>“I know, I know, I’m so silly… but that means that once you get that set up you need to wash your hands again. There’s germs on the stool.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>John does most of the actual cooking, but Olivia is more than excited to help with any pouring or mixing they need. He’s so comfortable in the kitchen, it really is mesmerizing to see. Even though it’s not his house he looks at home, dancing around and knowing exactly how to work everything.</p><p>As Emori kneads the dough and Olivia attempts to help, John sets up a lunch of soup and grilled cheese for everyone. When they put the dough in the fridge, they break for lunch. Finally the snow has stopped falling, revealing a vast expanse of sparkling white out the window.</p><p>“I’m gonna play in it,” Raven says. “I don’t know about all of you but I’m gonna do it.”</p><p>“Well then I guess you’d love to get started on shoveling,” Echo says.</p><p>Raven groans. “You’re lucky I love you.”</p><p>“Yeah yeah. Bellamy and I will join you too.”</p><p>“We will?” Bellamy lifts his head up from where he’s slurping on the last of his soup.</p><p>“Yep!” Raven stands up. “If I’m doing it with my bum leg you can bet your ass I won’t be moving that much volume. That’s where you come in.”</p><p>“You’re lucky I love you,” he parrots.</p><p>They all turn to get their coats on, but before they’re able to go anywhere Olivia gasps. “Mistletoe!”</p><p>Bellamy is already out at the coat closet but Raven and Echo look up and sigh at the mistletoe they find there.</p><p>“Come ‘ere, baby,” Raven jokes.</p><p>Echo giggles as she leans in for a chaste kiss. “You’re impossible.”</p><p>“You know I take that as a compliment, right?”</p><p>Olivia cheers and the rest of them join in with wolf whistles. It’s a fun tradition Emori thought only existed in movies, but then again that’s where this family seems to get most of their ideas about how holidays work.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After rest time, it’s time to bake the cookies. Despite earlier declaring they weren’t gonna help, Monty and Harper join in for the cookie cutter part. They all watch with rapt attention as John rolls out the dough, working with a healthy coat of flour and biting his lip as he does it. He gets flour all over his apron and that’s even without any funny business.</p><p>Harper describes to Olivia how to pick out which cookie cutter to put where so they don’t have to reroll the dough a million times, but of course Olivia has her own idea about just constantly using the same cookie cutter over and over again in random places. Olivia likes the reindeer shaped cookie cutters best. Emori is partial to the snowmen and John loves the gingerbread men, which seems to bother Olivia to no end because <em>it’s not gingerbread Daddy, it’s sugar cookie</em>.</p><p>Monty hums as they work together. Emori overhears him whispering into Harper’s ear, “I’m so excited to do this with little Jordan when he grows up.”</p><p>Harper kisses him on the cheek and gets flour all over her belly when she absentmindedly rubs it.</p><p>Emori’s heart skips a beat when she sees Olivia sit down on the floor. It takes her back to when she was a kid. She’d sit down and wait for the oven to cook so she’d be the first one to get a taste.</p><p>Over time, it grew into a tradition. She remembers back in high school, baking high and having John’s head in her lap as she stared into the oven running her fingers through his hair as they chatted. The details are hazy but she knows she felt warm from more than just the warmth emanating from the oven.</p><p>Now she joins John in sitting at Olivia’s side. He pats down Emori’s arm and brings her in for a half hug. She could get used to this.</p><p>When John announces the cookies are ready to be pulled out of the oven, Emori dons the oven mits and he gets to work mixing up some quick glaze. Emori volunteers to have Olivia as her assistant—Emori paints the glaze on and Olivia does the sprinkles. At first she starts super careful, but by the fifth cookie she’s going wild sprinkling five different assortments on the same cookie. Emori is basically just there for damage control, at this point.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Ready? Aim! Loose!” Echo whispers harshly.</p><p>Emori follows her orders, her snowballs joining Olivia’s and Bellamy’s in their torrent against the enemy base.</p><p>Okay, the base is just a two foot high snow wall they constructed haphazardly. But it gets the job done.</p><p>Harper leads for the other team, instructing them on a defense with pre-packed balls hidden behind the wall. Monty hits Bellamy in the leg, and he falls dramatically to the ground with a choked groan. The first person they get down is Raven: it’s somewhere in their first assault so it’s not clear who exactly got her in the arm. “Avenge me!” she yells as she continues packing snowballs with her ‘good’ hand.</p><p>The opposing team is stronger than they thought, so Echo calls out, “Retreat!”</p><p>It’s a little awkward running in the snow, but Emori, Olivia, and Echo are able to make it back around the corner of the house without any more casualties.</p><p>“Olivia,” Echo says seriously in their team huddle. “I need you to make as many snowballs as you can. Nice big ones and pack 'em down real good.”</p><p>“Emori, I want you on a sneak attack. See what kind of advantage you can find.”</p><p>Emori cracks a grin. “Advantage like the deck? It’s right above their fort.”</p><p>“Perfect thinking. It’s just a matter of getting up there without being detected…</p><p>“We need a distraction!” Olivia pipes up.</p><p>“I like how you think, little one. Okay. We draw their eyes and ears outward. We’ll need the two of you to actually go up and drop the balls. I’ll think of something…”</p><p>“Mori,” Olivia says, “you need to make sure to walk super quiet.”</p><p>“That’s kind of my specialty, Livvy.”</p><p>Olivia gives her a toothy grin.</p><p>“Alright.” Echo nods. “Change of plans. I stay here and make the snowballs and you girls go. There’s snow on the deck too, if you don’t have enough balls you can make more up there. But just know” Echo warns, “-once you start hitting them it’s game over. There’s only one way down from the deck aside from going through the house, so they’ll have you cornered.”</p><p>“I think we can manage,” Emori says, and gives Olivia a high five.</p><p>Olivia immediately squats down in the snow to get to work packing snowballs, and Emori joins her. Once they have as many as they can comfortably carry, they bid Echo a very dramatic adieu and make their way around the house.</p><p>“Shhhh,” Olivia shushes when Emori tries to start up a conversation. “They can’t know we’re here!” she whispers harshly.</p><p>“You’re right,” Emori whispers back. “This is super serious business.”</p><p>Olivia nods solemnly and they keep going, Olivia’s little legs basically stomping in the depth of the snow.</p><p>They’re almost all the way around the house. They stop at the back corner and peer out at the enemy territory. They can see the deck, the staircase pointing straight at them. John is facing toward them, packing snowballs and not looking up but he could at any moment.</p><p>Emori tugs Olivia lightly back behind the corner. “Okay Livvy. That’s our target. Now quiet feet, okay? There’s not much cover until we get to the deck so we’ve gotta make this quiet and fast.”</p><p>“When are we gonna know when the distraction starts?”</p><p>“I have a feeling it’s gonna be obvious,” Emori chuckles. “Echo’s gotta get everyone’s attention, even your daddy’s.”</p><p>They giggle to each other, standing in abject silence for a bit until Echo’s distraction starts.</p><p>A battlecry sounds out, followed by a flinging wave of snow. Emori peaks back out and confirms everyone’s looking in Echo’s direction.</p><p>Emori pats Olivia on the back. “Run!” she whispers, and they both break out toward the deck.</p><p>They make it to the top before they see it: Echo lying out in the yard. “I’ve been hit!” she calls.</p><p>“Lie down!” Olivia hisses, and they both flatten themselves to the wood of the deck.</p><p>Emori peers over the edge. Monty and Harper are peering over the ledge of their fort, Raven behind them hanging out. Everyone is accounted for except…</p><p>“Where’s your daddy?” Emori whispers. “I don’t see him.”</p><p>“Oh no!” Olivia gasps. “I don’t know!”</p><p>“We can’t ambush them until they’re all in the same place. That’s our best shot at getting them, now that Echo is down.”</p><p>“What does ambush mean?”</p><p>“It means we’re sneaking up and attacking them.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>They lay in silence for a bit, waiting for John to come back. From down below, they can hear Harper’s voice. “Where are Olivia and Emori? We haven’t won yet, guys. They’re out there.”</p><p>“They’re probably planning on sneaking up on us.” Raven shrugs. “That’s what I would do if I were them.”</p><p>“You’re right. We’ve got the numbers on them, I bet if we go out we can strike and overpower them.”</p><p>“Now or never,” Emori whispers.</p><p>She and Olivia get up slowly on their knees and hold out their first snowballs through the slits of the railing.</p><p>“3! 2! 1! Loose!” They toss the balls down and hit Harper in the first shot. Raven’s eyes immediately shoot up.</p><p>“There they are!” Raven yells. “Get them!”</p><p>Not a full second later, Emori feels a thud on her back. Olivia gasps and they both twist their heads around to see John pumping his first in the air.</p><p>He throws his head back and woops. “Victory!”</p><p>Monty closes the last distance up and wraps John in a hug. “We had a few casualties along the way, but all’s well that ends well.”</p><p>“Dude your wife was one of those casualties.”</p><p>“So what? You just snowballed your daughter.”</p><p>“She’s not my daughter, she’s the enemy.” He sticks his tongue out and Olivia sticks hers back at him.</p><p>“I’m cold!” Olivia announces.</p><p>“Me too,” John admits. “What do you guys feel about hot chocolate? Plus a little birdie told me there’s some yummy cookies waiting for us…”</p><p>“Are there marshmallows?” Raven and Harper join them up on the deck, leaning up against each other.</p><p>“Of course there’s marshmallows!” John sighs. “C’mon, what do you take me for?”</p><p>The sun is setting below the horizon, sky stained a light shade of pink in place of the usual grey. Emori didn’t notice it before, but it’s getting pretty dark. That’s a sign it shouldn’t be long until dinner.</p><p>They all go inside and drape their wet clothes in the laundry room. Bellamy announces that it is, in fact, pajama time, since their clothes are wet anyway. It’s Christmas Eve and therefore movie night. Emori throws on a black sweatshirt paired with the red ‘ho pants’ John convinced her to buy last night. She’s already back sitting with Echo at the kitchen table when John walks in, wearing virtually the same outfit she is. He’s got his ho pants on and a black v neck t-shirt.</p><p>Bellamy looks between them. “I didn’t realize it was couples’ pajama night.”</p><p>Echo shoots daggers into his eyes but he just shrugs nonchalantly with one shoulder.</p><p>Olivia gasps. “Daddy I knew you were dating Emori! But you said no!”</p><p>Emori’s stomach flips, but she hides it in going to stand by John. “Oh so you asked both of us, didn’t you?”</p><p>“Well yeah. It doesn’t make sense why you’re not together. Daddy is happy when you’re around. You said you’re happier too. So you should come live with us and be happy all the time.”</p><p>Emori can admit to herself Olivia has a good point about them being happy. She can’t remember the last time she felt so hopeful about the future. And the idea of moving in with them… it’s actually a really nice thought. She can see herself slotting right into their life and making a home for herself with them as her family.</p><p>But it’s crazy to be having thoughts like that. She and John aren’t even together.</p><p>“You look good,” he whispers.</p><p>“What, not going to rub it in my face that you were right about the pants? That I love them?”</p><p>“Nah.” He shakes his head. “You realize your mistake. That’s all that matters.”</p><p>She pats him on the back.</p><p>“Mistletoe! Mistletoe!” Olivia all but shrieks, pointing above their heads to the doorway they’re standing under. Emori’s gaze follows hers up, gulping at the sight of it right above their heads.</p><p>As she looks back down she meets John’s gaze and their eyes lock.</p><p>Well, it’s now or never. John bites his lip and hesitates.</p><p>Emori closes the distance for him. She leans in and shuts her eyes, landing a chaste kiss on his lips. They’re softer than she remembers, smooth skin beautifully soft next to the light scratch of his beard.</p><p>She doesn’t even have time to process the feeling because it’s over as quickly as it began, and John runs his hand through his hair when they separate.</p><p>Olivia cheers, and everyone else pretends not to see. Much different from the wolf whistles Echo and Raven got earlier.</p><p>Harper draws attention away from them. “Okay, Monty and I are going to pick up some pizzas.”</p><p>“Look out for deer!” Olivia calls.</p><p>Harper grins big. “Oh we will! Wouldn’t want to get in a car accident, especially not today.”</p><p>Harper and Monty leave and John goes to the kitchen to prepare the hot chocolate. Olivia sits on the counter and watches, heels pattering lightly against the cabinets below.</p><p>Bellamy brings out the cookies they made earlier, and picks the biggest one he can find with a big grin on his face.</p><p>Olivia’s eyes bug out. “Can I have a reindeer one? Pleeeeease?”</p><p>John considers her. “If you have a cookie now are you still gonna eat your dinner?”</p><p>“Of course I will Daddy. I love pizza!”</p><p>“Fair enough.”</p><p>Olivia grins and almost shrieks when Bellamy gives her the cookie. Emori can’t tell if she doesn’t get that many sweets or if she’s just a dramatic kid. It’s probably some sort of combination.</p><p>By the time they’re done with the hot chocolate and their mugs are empty, Harper and Monty are back with the pizzas. They all grab their slices and head to the living room. There isn’t quite enough space for them to all sit on the furniture comfortably, so they make a sort of puppy pile. From Emori’s understanding of Christmas Eve movie night they’re gonna be there a while, so she tries to get comfy at the base of the couch next to Raven.</p><p>They watch “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” and it’s surprisingly cute.</p><p>Sometime after they finish the pizza, Emori is wiggling in her seat, the metal structure of the couch irritating her through the fabric.</p><p>“Hey Emori,” Olivia pssts from up on the couch. “Come up here and cuddle”</p><p>John shoots his daughter a look and she immediately augments. “Please?”</p><p>Emori shyly climbs up on the couch and snuggles up into John’s side, Olivia spreading her legs over the both of them.</p><p>“She really wants us together, doesn’t she?” Emori muses.</p><p>“I can see why though. I want us together.”</p><p>“Me too,” Emori says. For the first time, it really does feel as simple as that.</p><p>John kisses the top of her head and Olivia’s too from his other side. He has an arm around each one of them, the one around Emori casually going at the back of her waist. It’s subtle enough you might not notice it if you’re not looking</p><p>Olivia’s eyes are glued to the TV and the bright colours playing across it. Emori, for her part, can’t pay that much attention at first. She’s hyper aware of the moment: John’s hand at her waist, his sock-clad foot toeing at hers, Olivia’s legs spread over them. She spares a glance at Olivia: bright eyes twinkling in the light as she stares down the tv. This moment feels familiar, as if she’s experienced it a thousand times in another life. She glances to John next, and he catches her gaze. He smiles and squeezes her waist just a hair.</p><p>Emori lets out a contented sigh and rests her head against John’s shoulder. That much has to be acceptable, right? She’s not sure how to handle this.</p><p>The more she’s there, the calmer she is. Olivia must be feeling the same way, because the next time Emori looks over she’s snoozing and snoring lightly with her little face tucked into John’s opposite side. He's watching the movie, thumb absentmindedly stroking Olivia’s arm.</p><p>Before long the movie is over. John stirs and mumbles something about putting Olivia to sleep. His voice is lower than normal and filled with the gravel of sleep. Emori peels herself off of him, and he groans and picks Olivia up and takes her away toward their guestroom.</p><p>Raven slides up onto the couch next to her. “Okay so you and Murphy are definitely happening now, right?”</p><p>“I guess,” Emori says, trying at nonchalance.</p><p>“Aw babe.” Raven squeezes her in in a hug and Emori can’t help but crack a smile. “You’re smitten! Wow now I can’t decide if I should give you the ‘don’t you dare hurt him’ speech or if I should do that to him.”</p><p>“What about both?”</p><p>Raven just squeezes her tighter. “Alright next year it’s your job to find me a man. I’ll have what you’re having except… not with Murphy. He’s basically my brother.”</p><p>At that moment, Olivia comes bouncing back into the room. As if she still has any energy after the long day she’s had. “We forgot to put out the cookies and milk for Santa!”</p><p>John comes trailing after her, yawning. “Okay fess up, who told her about this?”</p><p>Everyone points to Harper.</p><p>“Okay okay, I’ll admit it. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” Harper stands herself up from the armchair and all but waddles into the kitchen. “Putting this stuff out is a very important step,” she adds for Olivia’s benefit. “That way Santa knows we’re thankful for all the hard work he does.”</p><p>Olivia nods. “See Daddy? I told you it’s important.”</p><p>Harper helps Olivia set out the cookies and milk on a table near the fireplace, and sets her hands on her hips.</p><p>“There,” she says. “Now we’re all ready for Santa to come.”</p><p>Harper extends her arms out for a hug and Oliva crashes into her. She gives her <em>goodnights</em> around the room. When she gets to Emori she doesn’t even hesitate before wrapping her arms around her neck.</p><p>“Goodnight, Mori.” Emori secretly loves it every time she uses John’s nickname for her.</p><p>“Goodnight, Livvy. I’ll see you in the morning for Christmastime!”</p><p>“I really really like you Emori.”</p><p>“I really really like you too.”</p><p>“Remember,” John says. “If you’re not in bed asleep, Santa won’t come. That would be so sad, wouldn’t it Livvy?”</p><p>Olivia scrambles to follow him, just looking back over her shoulder once more to blow a kiss to the room.</p><p>Emori blows one back and sends Olivia a wink. She settles back into the couch, listening but not really participating as the group squabbles over which movie to watch next. She doesn’t care, she’s happy here no matter what.</p><p>After a while, Bellamy puts on “Love Actually,” which apparently counts as a Christmas movie. Not long after, John comes back and settles in beside Emori without so much as a second thought.</p><p>“I thought I’d never get out of there. She’s so excited for Santa it’s not even funny.”</p><p>“It’s nice she gets to be excited about something.”</p><p>“Yeah.” John’s fingers ghost over the fabric of her sweatshirt. “Good thing the Santa threat still works. I think we’ve got a few years left before she gets angsty, right?”</p><p>“With you as a dad it can’t be that long. She’s a spitfire.”</p><p>“I’m raising her to be a strong woman, what can I say?”</p><p>“A sassy woman maybe.”</p><p>“Shh!” Raven taps Emori's leg aggressively. “You’re talking over the movie and this is very important.”</p><p>John pulls her in closer. “Oh sue us for being happy.”</p><p>“I can try.” Raven crosses her arms over her chest.</p><p>Nevertheless Emori and John go quiet, just settling back into one another in the cutouts of the spaces they once inhabited years ago. Both their bodies are different: older and surer and less waify. But they slot back together like puzzle pieces.</p><p>The movie is cute and funny and nothing to take too seriously. Not that any of them do. Monty grabs the cookies and hands them out to everyone to make it look like Santa ate them. John’s is a snowman shape covered with a splotch of red sprinkles: clearly one of Olivia and Emori’s masterpieces.</p><p>He laughs. “It looks like a bloody wound.”</p><p>“What, you don’t think that’s what we were going for? It’s high concept. The commercialization of Christmas is the murder of society and all that.”</p><p>“That’s a little dark for a four year old.”</p><p>“It was her idea. I’m just along for the ride. And this one-” she holds out her own: a star with a green splotch on it. “-This one is about colonialism reaching beyond the Earth to the stars.”</p><p>“Oh it’s not just a green star?” John raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“Nope!” Emori takes a big bite out of the cookie.</p><p>Emori loses track of time as the movie goes on. By the time it’s over, everyone is yawning.</p><p>Monty is the first one to get up. “Should probably get some sleep before we’re legally allowed to be woken up by banging pots and pans.” He strokes Harper's shoulder. “C’mon babe, let’s go downstairs.”</p><p>Harper groans as she stands, but ultimately follows him. “You’ve gotta put the presents down, babe. I’m way too pregnant for this shit.”</p><p>Monty laughs but agrees.</p><p>They pull out the presents and line them under the tree. Emori fills the stockings on the mantle as everyone else sets the presents under the tree.</p><p>Emori and John are the last two left in the living room after everyone else has gone to bed. They stand by the light of the Christmas tree, white lights reflecting in John’s eyes and speckling his black t-shirt.</p><p>“Here we are again,” she says, focusing on a stray thread at his neckline.</p><p>John pulls her into his arms, holding her by her shoulders. “Hi there…” He hesitates. “Care to dance?”</p><p>“I’d love to.”</p><p>John gets Echo’s Alexa to play some music quietly.</p><p>The first guitar strums of a ballad play out, and John shifts his hands to hold around Emori’s waist as she drapes her arms over his shoulders. His chest rises and falls into hers, steady and sure against her.</p><p>They sway back and forth, neither of them experienced dancers. Emori sighs into the feeling. Having John in her arms feels right, like he was missing from her for all the years they’ve been apart. But now he’s back and better than ever.</p><p>He leans into her ear. “I missed you,” he whispers, warm breath making her shiver. “I never thought I’d get to have you in my life again.”</p><p>“When I saw you moved on, I was happy for you John. But it hurt to think I’d lost my chance.”</p><p>“I don’t regret trying.” John breathes deeply. “I cut my losses and moved on, and I don’t regret that because it gave me Olivia.” He brings his head back to look into her eyes. In them she can see years of pain and hurt, but also a lot of love. “But if I was being honest with myself, I could never, in all my life, get over you Emori.”</p><p>Emori’s jaw trembles as John’s hands travel up from her waist to cup her face.</p><p>She hesitates for a second, searching in his eyes for a sign to take things a step further. His eyes shift down from her eyes to her lips and hover there, mouth parted slightly. She leans in the last few inches and kisses him, soft and sweet, savoring his plush lips and his breath against hers.</p><p>Emori pulls away just a hair, enough to lean her forehead against his and slot their noses against each other.</p><p>“I want you to be clear on something,” John says. “If we’re doing this, I don’t want casual. We can do slow, that’s fine, but if you’re not interested for the long haul this isn’t gonna work out. I have Olivia to think of, plus I- I can’t do casual with you. You already mean too much to me.”</p><p>“I think I love you,” she confesses. “That’s crazy though, right?”</p><p>John’s bright eyes blow wider. “Maybe,” he says, and kisses her again.</p><p>It’s a great big, beautiful, coming home sort of kiss. Her heart pounds in her chest, syncing in time to John’s as they meld together. He’s soft and sweet at first, but soon they’re both pressing harder against each other. She licks at the seam of his lips and he lets her inside. John tastes like sugary sweet icing: the kind she loves to eat straight off the counter when no one else is looking. All Emori wants is to be closer, to live in this moment and have everything of John that she can.</p><p>One of his hands drops from her face back down to her waist. He pulls her hips into him, and Emori moans at the additional contact. She could kiss John for days, could lose herself in this feeling and never wake up.</p><p>Eventually she does have to pull away, since her knees are weak and her head is spinning and the warmth traveling from her stomach down lower is not particularly appropriate.</p><p>When they break apart this time they’re panting, still exchanging a few soft pecks against each others’ lips as they catch their breaths.</p><p>Emori can’t resist kissing his beard. It’s a new texture for him, so much more mature and adult than when she last knew him. It scratches against her beautifully and she can’t help but imagine how it would feel kissing other parts of her body.</p><p>“Emori,” he groans. “Gotta stop.”</p><p>“I don’t know how.” In the moment, it feels true.</p><p>“We’ve gotta get to bed, baby, okay? It’s late.”</p><p>“But I don’t wanna leave you. I can’t leave you again.” She knows how whiny she’s being, but even being a bedroom apart seems like too much after their years of separation. Separation which was all her fault in the first place.</p><p>“Hey.” He holds her face at a distance enough so she can’t strain in to kiss him. “I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to bed so we can wake up in the morning and have the best Christmas ever. And then when we all leave, we’re gonna make a plan. This doesn’t end here, no way in hell. We’re gonna do this for real. That’s what you want, right?”</p><p>There’s nothing Emori wants more. “What part of ‘I think I love you’ made you think leaving you is even an option?”</p><p>“I need you to stop feeling guilty for leaving. You did what was best for you. And maybe it was what was best for me too. I got Olivia out of it after all, and I wouldn't trade her for the world. What you did brought us to where we are today, and I love where we are.”</p><p>“Me too.” Emori sighs, closing her eyes and sinking into his touch. “It’s pretty magical, really. I’m so excited to see what happens next.”</p><p>“Then let's go to bed,” John says, taking her by the hand. This would be a much sexier time if they weren’t going to sleep in separate rooms, but honestly the knowledge that John cares for his daughter so much and she’s the most important person in his life is incredibly sexy. She’s growing on Emori quickly too.</p><p>They stay close together as they brush their teeth and wash their faces, trading hushed jokes so they don’t wake anyone up next door.</p><p>They go their separate ways back into their bedrooms, but in the second before they go into their respective doors, as Emori turns around to give a final good bye glance, John stalks the two steps over to her and wraps her up in his arms. His kiss this time is sure and strong, kissing her like they’re saying goodbye for a long time and not just for the night.</p><p>“Goodnight, John.”</p><p>“Goodnight.” He breathes heavy, his cheeks stained pink. “Merry Christmas, Mori.”</p><p>She smiles shyly and slips out of his arms, easing open the door and closing it behind her.</p><p>Inside, Raven grins at her from her spot in bed. The lamp is on and she’s reading a book leaning up against the pillows against the wall. She bites her lip and waits until Emori climbs into bed before interrogating her.</p><p>“Tell me everything!” Raven is uncharacteristically excited about something other than work. “What happened?”</p><p>Emori smiles despite herself. “It was good. Really good.”</p><p>Raven waggles her eyebrows.</p><p>“Stop doing that!” Emori turns her head away then steels herself to face her friend again. “Don’t go getting any ideas, but things are good. Thank you for inviting me, this is- this is better than anything I could have hoped for.”</p><p>Raven seems satisfied at that, and the interrogation drops. They still talk for a few more minutes, but Emori doesn’t devolve too many details. Things with John are still new and she doesn’t know exactly how to think or what to do about them. Some things can stay private just between them.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Emori wakes up on Christmas morning with a smile on her face. She checks the time on her phone: 8:30 am.</p><p>“Hey Raven,” she says, turning over. “Pretty soon Olivia’s gonna come pounding on doors or something like that. Just so you know.”</p><p>Raven groans and covers her head with a pillow. “I’mma take as much time as I’ve got, thank you very much.”</p><p>Emori gets up and pulls her phone off the charger. “Merry Christmas, by the way.”</p><p>“You know you’re annoying when you’re happy, right Emori?”</p><p>Emori drops her head to the side. “C’mon, it’s just a little fun. I’ll see you soon!” she singsongs, moving out to the bathroom.</p><p>“You’re so domestic I wanna throw up,” Raven groans, and Emori just shakes her head. It’s a holiday. Everyone is somewhat domestic around the holidays, at least when they’re celebrating with a family like this.</p><p>Emori does have to worry though. Is she becoming a part of this family too quickly? Especially with John and Olivia… she doesn’t want to insert herself into their life and then have to pull out again if something goes wrong. That could break Olivia’s little heart. She and John went too far last night. They couldn’t move that fast, at least as far as Olivia is involved.</p><p>She pushes the thoughts aside in her mind for now and gets ready in the bathroom.</p><p>When Emori emerges, Olivia is already busying herself with sitting everyone in the living room and making sure everyone has something to drink. Harper tries to deny because she’s off caffeine right now, but Olivia is not happy with that. The rule is everyone needs to be sitting down with a drink in hand before she can start in on the presents. They compromise on a glass of water.</p><p>Ever the classy family, the kahlua is free flowing and Emori lets Monty pour her a good portion. The holidays are apparently more fun with alcohol if you actually like the people you’re around.</p><p>Emori settles in the spot next to John, keeping a few inches between them for safety. He grins at her. “Merry Christmas, Mori.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas, John.” Then, quieter, “How long has she been at this?”</p><p>John scoffs. “Since before I got up, that’s for sure. She was already out here sleeping in front of the Christmas tree.”</p><p>“Hmm well good thing she got here after Santa or we wouldn’t have any presents to open.”</p><p>John chuckles. “She would be so sad about that. Thank god we’re out of the terrible threes now, but I think that might put her over the edge,” he says under his breath.</p><p>“That would be enough to disappoint anyone. Expecting presents and coming out to nothing? That sucks.” Emori has a bit too much personal experience with that.</p><p>“Yeah.” John squeezes her knee reassuringly. It’s nice to not have to explain things to him. He just gets it.</p><p>They’re silent for a bit before John speaks again. “I’m really glad you’re here, Emori.”</p><p>“Me too.” And it’s true, so true, even if at first it made her stomach want to eat her alive.</p><p>Harper sits with Olivia by the Christmas tree, the both of them trying to guess what’s inside the presents. Olivia’s spatial awareness seems to be a little off. She keeps on thinking there’s gonna be a dog in one of the presents even though that’s not possible considering their size and the fact that dogs don’t do well with being squished into small places.</p><p>“You’re next,” John mouths to Monty, who just shakes his head and says “You are so corny Murphy.”</p><p>Soon enough it’s nine and only Raven is left not awake.</p><p>“Harper what time is it?” Olivia asks.</p><p>“The clock is over there.” Harper points. “You see the little hand? Where is it pointing?”</p><p>“At the nine!” Olivia scrambles to her feet, remembering what that means. “I can go wake Auntie Rey up now!”</p><p>“You can go knock on her door, yes. But don’t go barging in, she likes her privacy in the morning.”</p><p>“I don’t care where am I just want her out here and drinking coffee already!”</p><p>“Fair.” Harper smiles at her.</p><p>“Now pleeeease go sit on the couch with your cup so we can open presents.”</p><p>“Aye aye.” Harper gives her a mock salute and grunts as she stands up to go join Monty on the couch.</p><p>Once Raven joins them with a coffee in hand, hair in her signature ponytail but otherwise much less put together than usual, Emori gets up to help distribute the stockings.</p><p>She hands each one to Olivia, who tries to read the writing on them so that she can give them to the right person. She struggles and messes up a bit, but they get it worked out. The last one in the line is the blank one with the handwritten <em>Emori</em> on it.</p><p>“Are you going to write your name on the stocking, Emori? That way Santa will know every year and we don’t have to use the ugly paper.”</p><p>Echo says, “If Emori comes back next year I’ll make Bellamy embroider her name in myself.”</p><p>Bellamy just makes a face and nods. “You’re always welcome. You’re family now.”</p><p>Emori grins shyly. “Not even three full days and I’ve sealed the deal?”</p><p>“It feels like we’ve known you a lot longer than that.”</p><p>Emori swallows hard and just takes the stocking to her seat, now knowing how to respond to his kind words.</p><p>“Okay,” Olivia says. “Let’s all open our stockings at the same time. One two three go!”</p><p>She is a bit of a spoiled kid, because they all just follow her instructions.</p><p>Emori tries to gauge people’s reactions. There are smiles on everyone’s faces, and most of them slip on the cozy socks she got for them right away.</p><p>Presents! Olivia cheers. “What present first?”</p><p>There’s only one for every adult with the Secret Santa, but Olivia has several.</p><p>“You can open the first one, Livvy,” John says. “But make sure it has your name on it. You remember what your name looks like?”</p><p>“Of course I do, silly Daddy. O-L-I-V-I-A. What do you think I do all day at daycare?”</p><p>“Valid. Carry on.”</p><p>The first present is the biggest: the LEGO set John and Emori got when they went to the store on Saturday. When she opens it she smiles real big.</p><p>“Thank you so much I’ve wanted this <em>forever</em>!”</p><p>“Who are you thanking?” Echo asks</p><p>“Santa, of course! That’s the rule with presents: you always say thank you to the person that gives it to you even if they’re far away.”</p><p>Raven dorks out. “We are so playing with that later. I don’t even care if Olivia is playing, we're doing it.”</p><p>“Mood.”</p><p>The next present Olivia brings out is for Bellamy: he gets a book called <em>Salt: A World History</em>. He gives Echo a knowing look and John rolls his eyes. Apparently there’s a story there, but Emori doesn’t know it.</p><p>For Monty it’s a new keyboard. Olivia gets very excited because it apparently glows in rainbow colours. He promises to set it up and show her later, noting how the keyboard he has now has some missing keys and the space bar only sometimes works.</p><p>As Harper says, “<em>It’s time</em>.”</p><p>John’s present is a new cutlery set and a pair of oven mitts with cats with fun outfits all over them. He laughs and says they’re down to two spoons because Olivia kept throwing them away with her morning yogurt and he didn’t notice until it was too late.</p><p>Olivia pouts. “I didn’t know any better.”</p><p>“It’s okay, I’m not mad. Now we’ll just make sure not to throw out the new ones too, yeah?”</p><p>“Of course Daddy. I did that when I was four. Now I’m four and a half. I would never do something like that again.”</p><p>Harper’s gift is the biggest of all. It’s from John. There’s a card on top, and she opens it to reveal a gift certificate to a spa with a little note that says “for when you’re stressed. And if you ever need a babysitter, remember how many times I’ve dropped Olivia off before you feel bad for bothering me.</p><p>Inside the box itself is a bunch of baby stuff: clothes and bottles and a baby monitor.</p><p>John says, “I don’t know how much you have or if you even want this stuff. But I don’t have any need for it anymore so anything you want is yours. Keep it in the family, you know?”</p><p>“Thank you so much!” Monty says. “It looks like we’ll be able to use most of this.”</p><p>“Eh it was either this or donating, right?” He looks very proud of himself for adding that onto the gift.</p><p>Raven gets a pair of disastrously ugly Crocs slippers, and Echo receives <em>The Art of War</em> with Bellamy’s notes in the margins. It seems like he and Echo have a thing both with books and destroying the sanctity of Secret Santa. There’s no secret with them.</p><p>There’s a little package under the tree and Olivia squints at it. “I can’t read this one.” She takes it over to Monty to read.</p><p>“It says <em>to baby Jordan from Uncle Bellamy</em>.”</p><p>Monty’s grin is toothy when he opens the present. “Green is good,” he says, holding up the tiny knit green hat. “Thank you, Bellamy.”</p><p>Emori expects that to be the last of the presents, but then Olivia pulls out one last one from the backside of the tree. It’s small and flat, about the size of an outstretched hand. She reads the tag. “This one is from Santa! And it’s for… Emori!”</p><p>“From Santa?” It seems a little odd. Emori is an adult. None of the other adults got presents outside of the exchange so why should she?</p><p>Olivia bounds over to her and hands the gift over. Emori tears the paper open carefully, not sure what she’ll find. Inside is a CD. And it’s not just any CD, it’s TLC’s <em>FanMail</em>.</p><p>“How-” Emori gapes at it. “I remember asking for this when I was a kid. I never got it.” She probably talked about it all year, begging her foster parents to let her have it. It never happened, and eventually she got over it. As an adult, she can listen to whatever music she wants, no problem. But finally getting the album feels so much different.</p><p>“Must’ve gotten lost in the workshop,” John says, stroking her back. “But it’s here now.”</p><p>“Thank you, Santa,” Emori says quietly, a little tear welling in her eye. She can’t believe it. John remembers. He remembers this little thing she told him so many years ago, just in passing. How could he remember and then make it happen? It’s too good to be true. But it is true. She never would have let him go if she’d known what she had back then. But this is good too.</p><p>Olivia opens the book next. She can’t even read the title, but she sees the cover and she immediately shrieks. “Bats!”</p><p>“Bats!” John agrees. “Santa really knows what he’s doing, huh?” Emori doesn’t miss his little smirk hidden under his fake wonderment.</p><p>Thankfully the set of frozen dolls is the last present, because Olivia wants to open them immediately and start playing. Raven offers to help her out: laser precision in her use of the scissors to get the little plastic tags off without cutting the doll hair.</p><p>“I’ll be Anna and Elsa and Olaf and Sphen,” Olivia decides. “You can be Kristoff.”</p><p>“Wow, four versus one,” Raven deadpans. “That sounds fair.”</p><p>Olivia doesn’t notice the tone of her voice and just gesticulates with the dolls. Pretty soon she’s getting Elsa and Kristoff to kiss, which seems like a pretty loose interpretation of the characters but Emori appreciates that.</p><p>She looks down at her CD, reveling in the feel of it in her hands. As an adult, she’s able to listen to whatever music she wants. But having the CD fills her with a sense of completion. It shows her that some wounds can heal and the future can be better than the past.</p><p>Christmas dinner is a lot of fun. They go all out with the stereotypical foods: ham and cranberries and twice baked potatoes. Olivia tries to eat way too much potato (Emori will admit it tastes amazing), but John has a handle on that so she doesn’t make herself sick.</p><p>Emori revels in these moments with the family. It hits her that in only a few hours, she’ll pack up and go home and it’ll be over. She doesn't know when she’ll see them again or even <em>if </em>she’ll see them again. As encouraging as they were this morning, she doesn’t really know where she fits in with everyone.</p><p>And that brings her to John. With them just now figuring out they want to make things work, they never talked about how.</p><p>Emori hates not knowing things. She likes to deal in certainties whenever possible. But with love and families, those aren’t really things that come most of the time.</p><p>When dinner is over, she steals John away with the excuse of needing help closing her suitcase. It’s a flimsy excuse, but everyone is too preoccupied to care.</p><p>They’re sitting at the foot of her bed again, just like the first night when they got to Echo’s house.</p><p>“John.” Emori takes a deep breath. “Before we leave, I just- I wanna know where we stand.”</p><p>John’s brow quirks. “We’re in a good place, Mori. Is something bothering you?”</p><p>“What happens when we leave here? What do we do?”</p><p>“Oh.” He thinks for a second. “I wanna keep seeing you. It’ll be hard with a kid in the mix, but I know we can make it work.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Emori smiles and nods. “How often will I be able to see you?” She hates to be needy, but she has to know. Going long times without John will be hard and if that’s what they have to do she wants to at least know.</p><p>“I’ll need to arrange babysitters and stuff, but I have an okay setup going. Plus I know it’s not the same, but I’m sure Olivia would love to have you around sometimes.”</p><p>“You don’t think she’s gonna get attached?”</p><p>John bites his lip. “I think we passed that line already. She likes you a lot. She doesn’t usually warm up to new people so fast. We shouldn’t play house or anything and rush in to that too fast, but I’m comfortable with having you around her.”</p><p>Emori lets out a sharp breath. “And long term?”</p><p>“There’s two possibilities, I guess. Either we stay together or we don’t. If we stay together… well. Eventually I’d wanna take things to the next level.”</p><p>“Would Olivia be okay with that? I don’t wanna take her daddy away from her.”</p><p>“Hey.” He takes Emori’s face in his hands. “I have the room in my heart for Olivia and you. Being with you isn’t gonna make me any worse of a dad. You’ve just gotta know she comes first. I- I have a responsibility to her.”</p><p>“Good.” She leans in to brush her lips against his then speaks into his mouth. “She should be the most important person to you. That’s what a real dad is like.”</p><p>John grabs the back of Emori’s head and tilts her face up to kiss her more properly. Today the nervousness is mostly gone, replaced by a new assuredness and security. They’re going to make things work.</p><p>When things start to get a bit more passionate, they split apart, breath heavy and eyes wide.</p><p>“We should probably, um, get back out there,” John says, extending a shaking hand out for her.</p><p>“It’s been a while since you’ve done this, hasn’t it?”</p><p>“I uh- what?”</p><p>“You’re nervous, John. It’s cute.”</p><p>He scratches the back of his neck. “I’ve dated a bit over the last couple years, but never made it past the first few dates. It didn’t really feel right with any of those women.”</p><p>“So are you saying I’m special?”</p><p>“That’s what I’ve always been saying,” he says, and Emori can’t sense an ounce of sarcasm on him.</p><p>They do a little packing to make things easier on themselves for later and rejoin everyone in the living room. Raven is now going at the box of Legos, digging into it and trying to find pieces to fit together a spaceship. Olivia wants to build a house for her dolls, and Bellamy is helping her with that. It’s pretty shoddy craftsmanship though and easily breaks.</p><p>Echo laughs at him, but Emori can see that her attempt at making a car with the wheels isn’t going much better.</p><p>Every one of them looks happy. It’s like a Christmas out of a Hallmark movie: no one is fighting, no one is crying, no one is screaming. They’re all just happy to be here. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that without this little family they’d be alone. Emori, for one, is grateful that Raven invited her here and she’s gotten to become part of things with them.</p><p>Emori laughs and joins them on the floor with John. She helps Olivia pry the little Lego pieces from each other because she keeps changing her mind about what she wants to build. The afternoon passes quickly, as much as Emori hates to see it go. She doesn't want to go back to her empty apartment after this.</p><p>“Hey Emori, when can we see you again?” Echo asks.</p><p>“Not to sound too forward, but when are you available?”</p><p>John laughs. “Are you free for New Years? We’re celebrating in style of course. Here, because getting a babysitter on New Years is way more trouble than it’s worth.”</p><p>“I’d like that, yeah.” Emori doesn’t let on about just how free her schedule is, but she knows they can probably guess.</p><p>“Less than a week until then,” John muses, brushing her hair off her shoulder. “You think you can go without me for that long?”</p><p>Emori smiles and shakes her head. “You know what, I might perish.”</p><p>“Eh I thought as much. I am kind of a catch.”</p><p>“In your dreams, Murphy!” Raven calls over him. Then, quieter to Emori, “You know he’s full of shit right?”</p><p>“John? Full of shit? Never.” Emori scoffs.</p><p>Eventually it is really time to leave. Emori and Raven are the first to go, and they stand in the doorway reluctantly. It’s a long drive back home and they need to be refreshed for work bright and early in the morning.</p><p>They do something of a line of hugs. Emori is a hugger, which is something she doesn’t get to let out normally, but this just feels right.</p><p>When she hugs Olivia, she says “I’ll miss you, Mori. Why do you have to go away?”</p><p>“I have to go home, Livvy. I have work in the morning.”</p><p>“Then leave in the morning!”</p><p>John places a reassuring yet somehow stern hand on Olivia’s shoulder.</p><p>“Okay… But you’ll come hang out with us again?”</p><p>“Absolutely.” Emori wipes a stray tear from her eye. “We’re gonna ring in the new year together. That’s in only six days.”</p><p>“Six days? That’s so many!”</p><p>Emori gives her another hug and stands up to see John beside her. They fall into each other’s arms, holding on for dear life. In John’s arms, Emori feels safe: a kind of safety no one else has been able to bring her. It’s calming and intoxicating all at the same time. John’s sweater smells like baked potatoes and fallen pieces of sugar and more than anything like him: that undeniably <em>John</em> smell that’s just sitting there below the surface. Emori nestles into his neck and scents him in, unconsciously memorizing his smell and his touch so she can relive it until they see each other again.</p><p>Raven clears her throat, and that’s how Emori knows she’s been taking too long. She and John reluctantly pull away in the same instant. Wehn Emori spins around, she can just barely catch a glimpse of Echo rolling her eyes and John sticking his tongue out at her.</p><p>“See you all for New Years!” Raven picks up Emori’s bag and shoves it into her arms. “Love you guys!”</p><p>“Drive safe,” Monty says.</p><p>“Love you Auntie Rey!” Olivia calls as she’s halfway out the door. “Love you Mori!”</p><p>Emori freezes up at that. She turns back around and stumbles over her words. “I- thank you Livvy.” She breathes out, satisfied enough over how she handled that. “Bye everyone!”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>As Raven drives them back toward home, Emori watches out the window at the houses decorated with twinkling lights, winding garland, and smiling snowmen. Losing herself in the decoration, all she can do is smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello Beautiful People!</p><p>I hope you enjoyed this heaping helping of memori fluff. I sure know what fictional relationship keeps me warm on cold winter's nights! (dang that makes me sound so lonely lol). I'd love to hear from you in the comments if you enjoyed this fic. I always love chatting with you guys!</p><p>The 100 Fic for BLM Initiative is going strong, and we would love to take your prompts in exchange for your donations to a good cause. Please check out our <a href="https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/">carrd</a> if you are interested! You can also find me on tumblr <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/mobi-on-a-mission">@mobi-on-a-mission</a>.</p><p>Much Love!<br/>-Mobi ❤️💚❤️💚</p></blockquote></div></div>
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